I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
