I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize