you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Randomize
