Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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