It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
