what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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