Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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