i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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