Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
