I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
