how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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