You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
