Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
