you didnt know i had herpes?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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