It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
