I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
