That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
