literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
