ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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