Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
