I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
