why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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