I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
