I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
