we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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