We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
