Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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