I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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