He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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