So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
