So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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