i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
