I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
