At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
