She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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