dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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