I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
