You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
