i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
