Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
