i think i have herpe
just one?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
