I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
