I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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