Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
