You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
