I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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