She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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