I am puke
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
