My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
