Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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