So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
