Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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