Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
