when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
