There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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