Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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