Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
