seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
