trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
