Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think my moral compass just broke
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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